It’s amazing how Pantera sounds quite tonight. What’s the hell? Hum nothing. I’m sorry, you mistaken my gonads and my dick and the parallel tracks. Indeed I should not type when happy. Now I’m smiling but that more a sardonic smile than anything else. Just the smile you put on your face when you’ve been fucked up but decide to still face it and smile just for the honour. Stupid me. But there’s no reason to cry neither. Just to improve myself, the only thing to do.

So what? Don’t know but I think some of you might remember the story of the tobacco girl. I mean the girl I’m trying to date since one months or maybe more. I don’t remember if I let you know that I asked her Saturday night for going out. Well that’s a fact. I guess I have to improve my dating skills. I mean, I asked her to come for a party instead of a private drink in a trendy place I would have pick up. Anyway the fact is that after many question from her (and so my wander why girls ask so many question) I gave her my number and the name of my street for the party. Been told she will call me back when she’s off. Fact: she didn’t call at all. Ok that was Saturday. Sunday was a Sunday.

So today (Wednesday, which is a day free of “tobacco girl” in the smoke shop) I run out of cigar and needed some for tomorrow (I better cut open my worms after having a hot cup of tea plus a cigar, cigarettes make shake my hand and that’s not good, no accurate cut and tomorrow I absolutely need to be accurate) in addition it would avoid me to have to come on Thursday (“tobacco girl” day...). Then at 7 pm I let my experiment or more exactly I finished what I scheduled for today which was supposed to be a cool day as usual but wasn’t in fact, I went to this smoke shop. I was about to open the door and then notice that the girl was in. WTF??? After 5 minutes I decided I don’t give a shit and get in. Of course she wasn’t expecting me today as it seems she changed her work schedule to be sure to avoid me even if she was saying thanks and see you in French last Saturday (I guess girls are way too compicated for me, gonna be 100% nerd <- not true, I might have found a new girl to try my charm and so break my heart and make me hate myself more <- Sense no sense? Is that clear? Who cares?). Ask for the normal stuffs (cigars and cigarettes) and then she was like: “I’m sorry I forgot to call you back last Saturday” no problem, I guess I understood on my own, “Did I miss something?” No you didn’t the party in the basement sucked and I spent my eve watching porn,”I stll have your number” with a smile lacking somehow of self confidence, yes of course I said. The best was that it was said in German and no more in English and without the small word in French.


Yup Yup.


And sorry for the no reply to your comment on my profile or your e-mails (way busy typing my report about biocomplexity, few days left, I’m on a good way but still lots to do and now I just feel like sipping another beer and watch a stupid movie (new guilty pleasure)).

And no bitching please or no comments saying poor you. That’s life, that’s all. It’s always easy to look it on a bright side when it’s over but on the moment, time to time it hurts. Don’t worry I still have some pleasure. Skateboarding? Sure as soon my foot sore due to my new skate shoes is gone (always take one size smaller to better feel your board under your feet even if it hurts in the beginning). Porn? Hum, I’m getting bored. Do you know a good site?Reading? Yes that is, has been and will be always a source of pleasure even if I read till 2 am and then I’m stone the next day.

I claim my right to enjoy some pleasure / happiness without it getting tainted of pain!!!!!!

Beside that I’m fine. Just a bit tired.

Anyway gonna watch this movie.

PS: sorry for the mistakes or if you don't get any point about this, since I know myself I can't stand to read back what i wrote simply because I thought about it so many time in my head...